Well, hello there. For those of you who do not know me, I am the Producer on the S&TBM Podcast. In a very convoluted-way I could say that my role on the podcast is to conceptualize new media techniques and programs to better increase the transparency between our service and the listeners, but in simple terms I'm pretty much the guy who photoshops pictures of Steve Cohen's head on a meme.
Some of my best work that I've done on the podcast includes, but is not limited to: Steve Cohen Throwing Wilpon Off A Cliff, Trevor Bauer Sings "Part of New York," and the Scooter & The Big Man Outro Rap.
But enough about me, this blog is dedicated solely to one of the greatest ways to fill up extra time on a podcast in the history of podcasting: drafts.
This weeks draft was a selection of "firsts," due to opening day peaking its head just around the corner. Draft's like these where the topic is purposefully vague are a tad tricky, because in the wise words of my fellow podcaster PJ, "there's a lot of avenues you could go down here." Do you take it literally? Try to get creative? Maybe throw in a controversial pick? Mention the Simpson's or wrestling? The possibilities are endless!
A main part of why I wanted to write up the draft analysis this week was to try and give the reader a glimpse into what my brain thinks during these drafts. But before we can drain the tap out of that mess of a situation, let's dive into what my colleagues did with their draft. Shall we?
BRYAN'S DRAFT BOARD
First up on the board we got, "1st Overall Pick In A Draft." I'm not gonna lie, if you listen to the podcast at the time that Bryan selects this as his first pick in the draft I'm pretty sure you can hear over the airways my tiny micro-brain exploding. Not only is this a solid pick, but having the first overall pick AND using the first overall pick as your first overall pick is just a 4-D Chess move. This is the equivalent of activating a game-altering trap card in Yu-Gi-Oh..........but with the FIRST PICK.
In typical Bryan fashion, he follows up his technical and sound first pick with a cheap, low-brow Rick Pitino joke. I'm not gonna comment any further on this disgrace of a pick. Just like Rick himself, Bryan's chances of his second draft win blew out way too early.
With his third pick, Bryan reached deep into the bag and pulled out an awesome choice. The fact Schmitty Werbenjagermenjansen completely sailed past my nostalgic mind was a straight punch to the gut. The only downfall of this stellar pick was Bryan's BRUTAL pronunciation of the full name.
He claims that he wrote out the phonetic spelling of the name, but I think in reality his dog, Louie, accidentally walked over his phone and inserted some extra consonants all-throughout. Either way, it's gonna be a tough battle beating out this pick one-on-one.
Jackie Robinson gives Bryan's draft a lot of value and further extends his chances at a potential draft win. All he has to do is finish out strong. Come on, Bryan! I've known you since we were just kids running around the school yard. If there is anyone who can stand up tall and finish this draft out like a champion, it's Bryan! There is literally no reason not land on your feet at the end of this gauntlet match, unless you somehow draft some chick going over Niagara Falls in a fucking barrel. So let's get into his final draft pick! I believe in you!!!!!
.....fuck.
(full disclosure, I love creative picks and this is in the top-10 for sure. However, this pick is like Rick Pitino in a restaurant: Disappointing, yet ultimately rewarding for one guy.)
OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: A-
PJ'S DRAFT BOARD
Before we get into PJ's draft I wanna try and set the record straight. Bryan and I give PJ a lot of shit for his drafts. Whether it's because of his safe / cookie-cutter picks or due to him having triple the amount of wins than us, at the end of the day myself and Scooter need to do better. So with that being said, I will try to throw the record book out the window and judge strictly subjectively to what really matters to me: being creative.
The first pick in the draft for PJ was Opening Day in baseball. I'm not a huge baseball guy (says the producer of a fucking baseball podcast), but I know how much baseball fanatics LOVE some opening day baseball. This reminds me of when I used to play baseball as a kid. One season I went the whole year without a single hit. Then, on the last game of the regular season I recorded my first hit, which was a double. During the next at-bat I tried to keep the momentum going, but ultimately I got hit by a pitch which broke my thumb. Unlucky for me, I swung the bat in the process so I had to stand in the batters-box with a 0-1 count and minimal ligaments holding my thumb together. The moral of the story is, this was a good first pick for PJ.
First day of summer after taking your finals / regents exams / etc. was an excellent pick. I had this on my board at #3, but it rightfully went earlier in the draft. It is hard to fathom, now as a working adult, how much of a thrill it was to sit in a dusty, old gym for three hours just for the reward of having three months of no commitments. If Sativa marijuana makes you feel uplifting and energetic, then reliving the first day of summer out of school must be the crack-cocaine of experiences. (I don't think I used that analogy correctly.....)
Rolling into the back-half of PJ's draft picks is the first day after quarantining. Huge agree from me. Not the most creative and flashy pick, but a very relatable one. It's obvious at this point that we have two completely different strategies going on with this draft. Bryan attempts to connect with the audience by jokes, whereas PJ connects through shared experiences. Bryan could never utilize PJ's draft strategy in this particular draft, mainly because he was never a women in 1901 who survived a plummet down Niagara Falls in a fucking barrel. Either way, it's hard to disagree with PJ here with his third pick.
lol, PJ did a wrestling pick. It's a solid pick, but for the meme I'm just gonna carry on to the final pick.
Now here is where I think PJ will lose some votes. Yes, the original Iron Man is a fantastic movie, but I think this pick is like putting a square piece in a round hole. I don't think this pick really belongs anywhere in this draft. To me, this pick is a throwaway pick. Yes, he will get some poll-love from the Marvel nerds, but I personally did not care for this selection. Like I said earlier in the blog, I love creativity. It seemed like this pick was PJ saying, "I know I most likely will get my 18th win this week, so here is some slop for the hogs in the pig pen." And you know what? Oink-Oink.
OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: A-
PAT'S DRAFT BOARD
Now it's time to talk about my draft. I'm coming off the hottest streak of my life, other than my hit-streak playing baseball from earlier in the blog. With the first pick I went with a classic movie line, "If you ain't first, you're last." I was nervous this was gonna show up on PJ and Bryan's draft boards, so I thought giving it a first-round pick value was acceptable. This pick made me appreciate the comedic genius that is Will Ferrell in these types of movies from the mid-2000's.
With the second pick I went with something personal. For me, "First Date" by Blink-182 has been the anthem of every car ride before picking up a lady friend for a first date. It's the perfect combination of high-energy and confidence, packed into a simple two minutes and fifty-one seconds. Try to listen to the full song without getting the urge to just vigorously swipe-right on tinder all night long. It's one of those songs where you just close your eyes and just picture yourself back in time to better days. I'm slowly starting to get in my feels, so let's move on to the next pick.
Now here is where I think the quality of my draft starts to fall. After being undercut by PJ with his robbery of my pick, I had to quickly call an audible. The list of all my possible draft picks were not very strong outside the top-five, so taking just ONE pick out of the bunch was going to damage my draft. I ultimately decided to go with a First-Baseman. Yeap, the big baseball fan himself took a baseball position in a non-baseball related draft. That's like Tina having an empty parking lot, yet still managing to crash the car. Just an ugly sight for everyone involved.
First Kiss at #4 was a big recovery for me. Everyone has a great first kiss story, whether it's romantic, funny, embarrassing, or just plain disgusting. Either way, it's hard to go through life without ever getting asked, "Who was your first kiss?" Mine so happened to be in a Starbucks that was located in a Target inside a mall, right after seeing Toy Story 3 in theaters. Nothing says romance like the smell of coffee grinds, the sound of smooth jazz being played throughout a Target, and the thought of Andy giving up his childhood toys to a random little girl while your lips are locked with another female for the first time. People dare say that romance is dead....
With the last pick in the draft I played it safe. Naive-me thought I had this draft locked in the bag when I selected First-Class Seats on Planes with the final pick. Looking back at it now, this was the final nail in the coffin. Over the past two drafts I slowly started to stray away from my original outlandish picks, and began selecting the majority of my draft by playing to the audience and not to myself. I'd look myself in the mirror each morning, and although the reflection had a twitter poll win, he was not the man I wanted to see. So although this last pick was my curtain call to my stellar draft victory run, it luckily opened up my eyes into who I need to be going forward. All I can say is that next week, you'll be getting the OG Producer Pat.
OVERALL DRAFT GRADE: B-
FINAL DRAFT PREDICTIONS
1st Place: Bryan
2nd Place: PJ
3rd Place: Pat
Best Pick: First Day of Summer Out of School
Worst Pick: First-Baseman